Mirror Images

Just a quick post before the end of the year, because we all know how quickly the next few weeks goes. Yesterday was a big day for me and not a moment too soon or late. Getting ready for Christmas has been hard for me. I’m in lockdown when it comes to decorating and need help shopping. As in an extra adult to either push me or our cart. Matt is so good to call his family when we need help and they are great to drop their plans and help. (Thank you!!) It’s hard to need the help. I mean it’s just pushing a cart. Riding around in the stores reminds me how very limited I am this year. I remember last year but I wasn’t a part of gift buying since I was still in the hospital. We were very, very blessed by our church family, friends, and extended families who provide a ton of gifts for our family. It’s hard to know that for the 2nd time in 17 years I will not be able to help wrap gifts. I can barely stay up past 8 most nights, and we have a bad habit of staying up way too late Christmas Eve ...

November 5 I’m at physical therapy and my therapist, Alicia, says let’s try something. She points me to the bar and asks me to try walking not holding on to anything! Wait, WHAT!?! Then this happened... https://youtu.be/fMyZKwwDXWs  She’s teased me before about actually using the walker, since I often carry the walker instead of using it, but to purposely choose to walk without anything in my hand!?! Secretly I’ve wondered if I could, but I wasn’t about to ask out loud something so crazy.  So we get up to the bar and "set" up. Meaning getting it in my head I’m about to walk and work on convincing my body to join me. I take my first steps and put my hand on the bar. Fix my feet position and try again. Take a few more wobbly steps and stop. I broke down crying my first steps in 14 months. Alicia my physical therapist cries with me, thank goodness I’m not the only one. I am just overcome with gratitude for this hospital and all the people who poured into me over the last 1...

Wow! It’s been over a month again. I had set a goal to update every 2-3 weeks, just to keep things up to date but I failed. I remember about 2 weeks in, I wanted to update but I was struggling emotionally. If I’m really honest with myself and you it’s been weeks of struggle. Today is really the first day I "feel" happy. I’ve had great moments, happy moments, grateful moments, but a lot of sadness the last few weeks.  The really frustrating part for me is simply I’m healing. Slowly but healing nonetheless. It’s crazy that so much of this started after my last posts about being a miracle. Here’s my struggle lately...my hair had to be cut short. I had bad lesions on my scalp, one that was found after my hair was gone. Man, I don’t think I’ve ever missed being able to put it up in a messy bun more! I sometimes look at old pictures and remind myself that it can be long again! It’s going to take time just like any other time I’ve cut it. Although without the movement of my left han...

Today marks 1 year of memory for me. I remember waking up, from a nap probably I’m not sure, to my husband, who at the time I didn’t recognize. My eyes wandered to the communication board that the date was updated daily. I saw the date September 19,2017 and my spirits fell. A’s birthday. It was A’s birthday and I was here, where was here? The board told me, but I couldn’t quite figure it out. I looked at the man sitting on my bed he must know, it seemed like he knew me.  He said "Can you see the board?"  I blinked once for yes. He ask me "Do you know what day it is?" Again I blinked once. That was heartbreaking to me to be missing my babies birthday, but for Matt it was the first real moment he knew I was still inside somewhere. While my memory starts this day the order of the next few days and weeks gets mixed up in my head. Whether it’s the medication I was on or healing from a brain injury or a bit of both I’m not sure. I remember Matt explaining we were in a car...

Here’s a picture taken the 1 year anniversary day...                                                      So, we are 3 weeks post the 1 year anniversary mark. What an emotional few weeks, especially the very week post. On the following Monday I had normal physical therapy that day. At the end my PT said "We are going to meet your recreational therapist on the 3rd floor. So I’ll have you walk onto the elevator and ride up standing." I didn’t think about it was "my floor" as an inpatient. I honestly was dreading rec therapy, I assumed my PT and Rec therapist had devised some torturous new "fun" activity to work my outer thigh muscles for walking that could only be done on the 3rd floor. No biggie right?  The elevator ride was a first in over a year. It was very strange to be standing and feeling it move. It’s very interesting to notice movements I nev...

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of our accident. For me it’s been an almost normal day, I can’t really think how Matt has been feeling today. Except maybe just thankful for all God has done for us over the last year. Initially he was being prepared for my death but if I lived it could be a year before I came out of a coma and I’d most likely never be the same mentally or physically.  Yesterday was our 14 year anniversary. We didn’t do anything fun, so in true Heather form, I apologized to Matt. He said "I’m just happy to have had another year together!"and he meant it! I love that man! I think I’ve said this before but he has more than lived up to the "...or worse..." part of our vows! Considering how our relationship started and the things we’ve been through it’s amazing we are still together. One thing that has always made me stick it out is the pastor that married us initially said no. We were living together at the time and had things in our past that he didn...

Wow...it seems no matter my intentions I just can’t get this out routinely. 🙂 It truly has been an amazing 3 weeks of recovery for me! Starting with the Friday after my last post...I went for a walk outside!! I have to tell you that walking outside has been on my wish list since I saw people walking outside with their therapists when the snow finally  melted here in Michigan. We often would pull up to valet parking, yes I’m that fancy...oh and it’s free, and I would say to Matt someday that will be me. I honestly didn’t think I would be walking outside this summer. It felt amazing! I have a picture to prove it...                                                                                                           ...

     I know it’s been about 3 months since my last post. That’s why I never made it as a great blogger before. 😉 How has life been here in our neck of the woods? Great, I am continuing to make great progress! I had a personal best in how far I walked 2 weeks ago of 225 feet, this week I walked 268 feet in one walk. No stopping for a break and guiding the walker all by myself. You’d be amazed at how hard a walker has been for me. Especially as feeling is coming back to my left arm and it doesn’t like the restraint of the walker and it has felt unstable to me because of lack of strength in my arms. Last week I started water therapy twice a week, my doctor likes to say anything you can do in the water you can do eventually on land. It’s very tiring to add an additional physical therapy on top of what I’m already doing. I’m thankful they feel I’m healthy enough to add such a physically demanding therapy. It has worked my abs and hammies out! There are moments that I wish I h...

     Happy Resurrection Day! Today for me is like the Super Bowl of holidays for my personal faith. This weekend represents Jesus Christ choosing me over His own personal comfort. Not just me but you as well, if you choose to say yes to Him. It’s been a hard weekend for me, because it’s so important to me. I didn’t make it to church but watched it online. Which is exactly what I needed. I’ve been writing this blog for a few weeks, not really sure where I was going with it. Just complaining? Was anything going to point to God? This mornings message and worship tied it all up for me. It brought me some clarity I will need as I move forward in this new season. Hang with me, please. I hope you too will get something out of this.      I’ve struggled a lot with the no voice thing. The gift of a new iPad helps immensely. Helps me do this blog. Along with being a little more apart of conversations around me. Including talking with my kiddos, who for the most part u...

My life has changed drastically since August 22, 2017. My husband and I were in a car accident. It almost took my life and put me in the hospital for the last 5 months. I have no memory of the accident, thank God. My first real memory is September 19 my youngest daughter’s birthday. I remember be saddened and confused by the fact that I knew I couldn’t see her. In some weird dream the girls and I drove from home to the hospital. I knew I’d be staying awhile because I packed some boots that in my dream my mother in law had made for me. Because she knew the stay would be long she went to Goodwill found the perfect therapy boots and added fuzz. Needless to say I thought this dream was real and I would feel guilty if I didn’t wear them. So that worked for weeks before I realize that my hospital stay wasn’t a dream. It felt like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. It had more to do with not seeing my kids then the staff at the hospital. The first few weeks of my memories are hazy beca...