My awakening anniversary 

Today marks 1 year of memory for me. I remember waking up, from a nap probably I’m not sure, to my husband, who at the time I didn’t recognize. My eyes wandered to the communication board that the date was updated daily. I saw the date September 19,2017 and my spirits fell. A’s birthday. It was A’s birthday and I was here, where was here? The board told me, but I couldn’t quite figure it out. I looked at the man sitting on my bed he must know, it seemed like he knew me.  He said "Can you see the board?"  I blinked once for yes. He ask me "Do you know what day it is?" Again I blinked once. That was heartbreaking to me to be missing my babies birthday, but for Matt it was the first real moment he knew I was still inside somewhere.

While my memory starts this day the order of the next few days and weeks gets mixed up in my head. Whether it’s the medication I was on or healing from a brain injury or a bit of both I’m not sure. I remember Matt explaining we were in a car accident, but it didn’t register for a long time for me. I also didn’t understand that I couldn’t move at all or talk. So when I did try and speak people would just look at me. Matt would say "You said I’m the man? Thanks babe." Or "You said I’m awesome? I love you too." At least I would laugh when he was around. It was probably only a few days that I couldn’t quite remember Matt was my husband, but in those days I fell in love with this man that would come 2 times every day. He was gentle and sweet to me and he made me laugh. Or laugh inside, and half smile, to get technical. 😛

So this started the first of many for me. I’ll just share a few today. 

So of course falling back in love with my husband AND actually remembering who he was. A big shock was taking a shower and seeing the tubes left attached and the scars. The scars scared me. The first time I could move my right hand. At first it was just a little movement, not even strong enough to move or click a mouse to communicate. I vaguely remember sitting up and being in pain. It hurt everywhere! First breaths with my trach tube covered (sooo hard). Remembering the faces and names of my nurses and nurse techs taking care of me. Convincing myself that my stay in the hospital wasn’t a bad, horrible dream, but something that was very real. That one was the hardest. The staff was so great to me, but the down time, when it’s just you and your thoughts...things can go bad in a hurry.

I’m incredibly grateful for the tons of people praying for myself and family. The friends and family who came, Thank You it was life giving for me. Needless to say today is such an important date for me not only for memories but also for the birth of my youngest daughter who’s birthday brought good things for her mamma again and who completed our family nicely!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recovery...is hard

I never would have thought recovery would be so hard. My incision has healed, but the strength is taking it’s sweet time. 😭 I finally got back to physical and recreational therapy, which is literally kicking my tush. It still amazes me how quickly you can lose muscle if you don’t use it. My walking muscles have been lost.  I felt really bad for my new physical therapist. I’m sure after our first few visits she wasn’t sure I had ever been able to walk more than 20 feet. We did some bed mobility, which answered my question from the last post, I CAN’T ROLL OVER. Sigh. I was able to move from my back to each side before surgery and now I can’t. I almost cried at physical therapy because of that. Wouldn’t be the first time. So after a few weeks of having ‘poor me’ moments I got pulled out of that funk by some worship music. If you knew me before you are not surprised that music does that for me. I understand some of the lyrics on a much deeper level now.  It was a few weeks of bus...
Read more

Summer boat trip...

My summers as a child were blessed by memories of fishing off a boat for our dinner. Baths in the lake once in a while. Fires with s’mores, glass bottles of pop and my cousins. Every other summer we would visit our family in Michigan and the other years visits with my family in Texas. Those summers left lifetime memories or roller skating and Klaks. (An arcade game I spent hours playing one summer) My Aunt’s house felt so fun in my memories.  Moving to Michigan when I was a teen, I fell in love with it’s beauty, in winter first then summer. Marrying Matt meant I wasn’t leaving the state to live anywhere but Michigan. Which has been ok with me. Born in Texas I often tell Matt my DNA was not created for cold. 😉 I’ve lived in Texas, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Michigan. I’ve been here the longest and love it here and so does Matt.  Back to my point 😁. Due to this accident we were able to fulfill a dream I’ve had on my heart for years. Unlike the "promise" made on TV, in ...
Read more

Camping...What?!?

Image
So I have been feeling really optimistic for a few weeks. I am trying to hold on to that feeling because the bad days are really BAD. You know what I mean. So what started this week's hope? Again if we are Facebook friends you saw this picture I posted from our first camping trip in our new to us RV. This spring we made the really hard desion to sell our boat and buy a RV. We have some family and friends who are big campers. After years of watching them make memories we decided it would be a good idea to try this fun and exciting hobby.  Once our boat was sold Matt begain his process of doing reasearch and hunt for the best one he can find. As crazy as it sounds he always finds exaxtly what he is looking for and we haven't been burned, much. He had so definite things he was looking for, a RV called a toy hauler. That way we could take a bunch of big items. (More on that in a minute.) So he found what he was looking for and his brother and his family were camping at ...
Read more