Fall is HARD...

So it has been a bit since I updated. Every year I think Aug will get easier, and it probably wouldn't be so hard if life didn't change so much between Aug and Sept.This year our kids are back in person and not at home and it's quite around here. Too quite. 😧 I really did enjoy having the kids home all the time. For me, I love getting lost in the busyness of it all! 

Aug 21st Matt and I got to celebrate 17 years of marriage. Aug 22 was 4 years since the accident.😒  The kids all started school on Wed of that week, which the weather was so hot they got some extra time at home. Or I guess I got more time with them. 

It really stinks to have so many things that should be fun things tinted by the accident. And I hate to bring it up yet again  😳 Fall makes me feel whiney.  Fall comes and so many things change so quickly. It's hard not to get overwhelmed by it all. So one sad day turns into another and before I knew it I was depressed. Thankfully my nature is not to stay in that dark place. It was harder this fall because of my injuries and the fact that my small group of ladies I had been meeting with weekly had taken a break. COVID has really sucked! 

I don't have any really great things to share. Life has been pretty normal for us. School, therapy, sports...pretty normal stuff. I am still making progress in therapy. 

I have been told if I am working real hard and paying attention to my speech strategies I am pretty clear. That is a huge thing! 💕 I am still taken back when I am understood in conversation. I am working of getting up a 6 inch step to climb stairs. In all honesty it's vanity, being able to climb stairs gets me into my friend's house. Besides having my color done,l I have high hopes of seeing my, very dear friend weekly, to have my hair styled. ☺ Which has "caused" a sweet side effect. 😳 I can almost stand up out of my wheelchair will little help. It's funny the tricks your brain plays when you "forget " how to do something as simple as standing up from a seated position.  I can't yet lean forward enough by myself, that is where Matt helps now,, pulling me forward.  You have to lean so far before you can stand up... 😳  I am not sure I have the words to explain how much hope there is in just the possibility of me just being able to stand by myself. It is very similar to being able to talk. It feels like freedom. Limited freedom because I would not get very far quickly and Matt is very protective. Thank goodness. I sometimes, often, think I am either much stronger than I am or am much weaker than I am. Therefore I can do more than I can.  One day I was determined to get some coffee by myself.  Great in theory, but many hold backs. In my stubbornness I wheeled myself from the living room to the kitchen.  I got a mug from the dishwasher then wheeled to the fridge to get the creamer.  Which I did! Poured the creamer and put it back in the fridge.  Looked at the pot...this would be the last cup of coffee from this pot. Perfect!  I tried to pour the coffee...nope not happening.  The pot had enough coffee to be too heavy for me to pour from my seated position. So I wheeled myself back to the living room. I was pretty excited about the ability to get out to the kitchen, not quickly,  but I did it! No pushing help from Matt on the carpeted areas, all by myself!  BUT I didn't think about how if I would have been successful how I would have gotten the coffee TO the living room.   🤔  My left side is not trustworthy or useful to help move or hold the mug. Matt to the rescue...again.  Thank you Matt! 💕 

This year, and lack of sport activity, last year has jumped started our oldest daughter to try out some new sports she hasn't played before. She played volleyball this fall. That was not a sport offered at my high school that I know of, not that it would have mattered for me. I don't remember a indoor game that didn't end up with my nose bleeding and the beginning of a black eye. Thankfully she is a much better athleate than I am.

 But she really picked up the sport fairly quickly and pretty well. She set up a net we had outside and would go out and serve or just practice hitting  the ball. It was very nice to see. That season ended 2 weeks ago on Thurs. and swimming started the next Mon. 

Swimming...wow! She didn't want to wait until basketball season started mid-January, so she is trying swim. She has come home exausted and wanting to quit but she has stuck with it. I am so proud of her for trying new things. I think one of the coolest things is how it is challenges her. Although she doesn't appreciate that.  She picks up on sports pretty easliy but she is not the fastest swimmer. Yet-she says, with a smile. I don't really care if she ever becomes the fastest I am just so amazed by her stepping out and not only for her but she convinced a friend to join the swim team too. So she created her own "you can't quit " cushion.  😃

That has been one thing about this situation that has been eye opening, in a good way. I have gotten to see my family through new lenses. I am so thankful for each personality and each one's passions. But don't mention Star Wars or Armada unless you want to play a game or chat for hours.😘 (Cole I love you!!!) 

We went to a chior concert last week, it was so very normal. It was a wonderful concert! I got to see some friends I haven't seen in years!  Although I had been in that school before I have to do this thing where I take it all in like it was my first visit. I find that is the easiest way to not become sad over the way it use to be. I don't know if I have shared this before. On one hand it's kinda nice to experience in a newness but it's also hard when I think, 'the walls were this color the last time I was here, wow it's been way longer than I thought'. That always leads to overthinking our situation. 

Everyone is staying busy doing what they need to do. I don't see much of our oldest but 18 was a busy year for me too, so it's to be expected. This year is flying by so quickly! I feel like I often say that and it's true every time. I pray, as we creep into Nov. you can see the goodness in the little things. Short story, while I struggled with depression, I really did see big improvements during this time but even those were not enough to shake the funk. When I would use the bathroom I can still tear the toilet paper!!!🙃 Yay go me! No joke that would make me so happy even if for just a moment. It still suprises me at how small a thing that is and how it brings such happiness. 

I am feeling better. Writing and sharing helps. I wish I could remember that on those really hard days. Its funny how we can push away the things, people, and activities that can help our mental stability. So if you got to the end, thank you for being a part of my mental health! 

#TeamGavrilides