Merry Christmas and Happy New Year?!? It’s 2021...

Can you believe it is already January? Some of you might say finally January. And I totally get that train of thought. The holidays were hard for me. But I don’t think more than usual. It just often reminds me more about my limitations. I did have some great moments of enjoying having my kids around and laughing together but the sad moments were hard. Although I do have some exciting things to share! 😃

Before I share some fun things I would love to share some thoughts I had during my best thinking time. ☺️ Today,  that was from 3-6 in the morning. I don’t have the ability to get up and write so I pray I will remember the best stuff. I think I’m pretty funny at that time in the morning too. So having said that I will try and share the "funny" things that I wanted to share with you this morning. Remember I am funny...😁

It’s 2021! Seriously I really cannot believe that it is January. 2020 was a mess and I am not blind to the fact that we will be "paying" for last year for a long time. The idea of 2020 being a band aide that 4 days ago, with the new year, was ripped off. Some time last March "we" got a terrible gash that we put a large band aide over hoping to heal the wound. But unfortunately it took 9 long months of nastiness and having the band aide ripped off exposed us to sunlight. We are blindly starting into the sun(2021) with a hope that is crushing, mostly because it’s so bright and we are just not use to that anymore. We’ve lost so much and yet gained so much. Families were torn apart because of too much togetherness. Marriages in trouble because we are seeing our spouses in new unflattering ways. Their humanness is right in our faces. In ways we only saw our siblings.

Sweatpants again? When will he put on real clothes again? When was my last shower? Every time he moves gas comes out of him. Couldn’t she just pick up the trash on the floor as she walks by. Why did I fall in love with him again? Hair cut? Who needs one? 

And then there is the financial situation. Money always is a stresser but now? 

I am praying that 2021 becomes a year of restoration. That the "sun and air" can begin the real healing of our "wound". Word of warning though...healing hurts. It can itch or poke or come in sharp pains. The thing I try to remember during these "itchy" times, and I have a lot of them right now, is that wounds often itch when healing. So I am healing! You can too! 

The band aide of 2020 is off, allow for moments to breathe and remember where you are right now can be different with time and healing. It’s not likely to take place overnight but in the tiniest ways.

That last sentence leads into why I really needed to write again. If you don’t know me well you might not know that a few, well more than a few lol maybe 8 years ago I learned how to play the guitar. My really dear friend taught beginners at our church building. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with it! I would spend hours playing and would play with anyone who would let me play. I even got bold enough to join the worship team at church. I honestly felt my friend, Dana, had added the final thing I needed to fulfill my worshipers heart. In fact I’m not even sure that describes it well enough. 

I have to say that I struggle with the lack of ability to use my left arm and hand/ability to play only second to the lack of a voice. I really like to talk and playing give me a great way to work stuff out.. I would play and pray every day. I had basically given up hope that I would EVER play again. It’s been almost 4 years since the accident and my arm and hand are the slowest to progress. But a few weeks ago during my occupational therapy session I actually saw my fingers move! This may seem like a weird sentence but every time I would look at them, if they had been moving they would stop. I’m sure it had to do with overthinking the movement but nonetheless they didn’t move if I looked at them. And then they did while I was looking. 😍 The happiness had to have been all over my face. I had purposely moved the fingers on my left hand. It wasn’t much movement. But even a little movement is huge! 

So I had a brilliant idea to see if I could move my right arm over the body of the guitar. Matt and I struggled to position it the correct way and I reached over to try and help. Matt said that looked easy and I realized I had just lifted my arm up and over the body. For the first time in a long time I could see the hope of being able to play again! It would definitely not be as soon as I would like but I could see it. I am hoping that before the end of the year I can at least start to reteach my body how to make chords.

Also I have been walking, in a harness, on the treadmill without a brace on my left ankle. I walked 20 broken up minutes on New Year’s Eve. It felt really great! Again happening so very slowly but still happening.  I have been very surprised by how the walking on the treadmill helps me to be more stable on my feet during walking around the house. Matt has commented a few times how he is noticing that I stumble less. It feels so good to feel more stable on my feet. 

How many times in our lives is it easy to get frustrated by how slowly something is happening? Often. In my life daily. No lie. It is so crazy how we see our lives in wide generalizations, but if we could be just a little more patient...

#TeamGavrilides