Grace...
I was really hoping that the next time I posted life would look a little more normal. Unfortunately while somethings are returning to a type of normal, overall it’s heartbreaking. I go to sleep praying for our country and the world as a whole, then wake up to see on the news our country is still a mess. So once again I am struggling putting my story out there even in a small way, because I know there are other stories that need to be told. My heart is so heavy right now but I have a feeling inside that is pushing me to write.
So this might be a slightly different post. I guess we will see since I’m not sure where I am going yet.
Overall it has been a good month for me. I haven’t had therapy either in my house or in an outside facility, but at the end of last week I was standing up from 22 inches with minimal help and I had a few wonderful speech days. Matt and I continued to work on the things I was already working on. I started therapy today. There was mix of excitement to see people again and continue this journey and fear that I’ve fallen far back. Without the structure of formal therapy it’s been hard on me. I do think I’m a lot steadier when walking but my stamina is lacking. Although I’ve walked outside with Matt it wasn’t very far or often.
We like every family have had bad days. Where one or another has a bad day and they take it out on everyone else. The stress of home school add to that wrapping up the year, not being able to get out, my physical limitations...I don’t really need to spell it out. You know...
One day I had a bad morning and here's what happened. I know I’ve shared a little bit about our "marriage problems". Here’s the real reason, not to throw him under the bus so to speak but to share where my thoughts ended up. Again I would never post about our life without letting him read it.
So anyway our marriage problem. The only thing we really argue about anymore and it was an "issue" before the accident. We wake up differently and at different times. Lol Yep that is the cause of the few arguments we have now. In his defense,even before I accuse him lol, he has ALWAYS been a night person and now he pretty much runs nonstop during the day for his family. Ok, now I don’t feel as bad pointing a finger at him.
As a general rule I wake up between 6:30 and 7, Matt however would willingly sleep until 2 or later. Lol With school at home the girls get up close to 9 and do their work, the boys are teenagers so they also could sleep all day if allowed. I thought Matt and I had agreed to wake up about 9:30 every morning. Giving me enough time to drink all the water I need for the day and eat breakfast before trying to get therapy in. There have been plenty of days I struggle eating or drinking. It's a weird thing to be able to drink from a straw one day and completely forgot how the next day. But it happens to me often.
So there we were in bed, me wide awake for hours and Matt sleeping. I don't remember what time it was, but I think it was late like maybe 10:30. Lol I started to really try and get Matt up. In true Matt form he asked for 5 more minutes. Because we've been together soooooo long, lol, I know that he will ask, so I plan on not getting up for anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes depending on how grumpy I want him to be. Lol I began to really throw a fit, well as much of a fit as a paralyzed not super verbal person can be. In my frustration my anger turned to tears.
And then he pushed me to the living room where I saw this on the wall. It’s from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
(Hobby Lobby a few years ago.)
Love is patient (had I been? No)
Love is kind (had I been? Nope)
Love does not insist on it’s own way (fail)
Love believes all things (fail) bears all things (nope I didn’t want to lay in bed any longer!) Endures all things (see my last comment)
Love never fails
By the time I read to the bottom line I was again in tears. This time it was in remorse. Matt has never left me in bed or not gotten my meds and yet I couldn’t give him grace. I know and understand how much he does for me. He takes care of me all day and does what he needs to for the kids.
Because I couldn’t talk and cry I wasn’t able to tell him why I was in tears, which caused him to think I was still mad.
Thankfully Matt and I work out our arguments fairly quickly and he began to understand there was more than anger in my tears. For the rest of that day every time my eyes fell on that wall I struggled not to start crying again. How could I call myself a Christian if I couldn’t do one of these for the one person on earth that gives so much to me?
Thinking back to that morning so much of that frustration came from our past. Before the accident when I could just get up when I wanted. It is often when I’m looking backwards that I get in trouble. And I have to swallow my pride and say I’m sorry.
All this to say I completely understand how hard it can be to follow God’s Word. Walking the walk gets hard and tiresome. But baby steps. It may be telling your spouse or family member your sorry. It might be sitting and just listening with compassion to another’s fears. Maybe it’s hugging your teen as she faces a completely new and complicated world. It honestly could be anything. But do it because it’s the small steps that make the bigger steps possible. God’s greatest desire is relationship with you. Real true relationship has trust, even when we can’t see what is the end game. I have no idea what the end game is as far as what’s happening in our country. But I believe and trust God has a plan.
For me, this story I’ve shared is, live right here, right now. Don’t look back. Then is not now. Oh and walk (lol roll) with more grace, especially for Matt.
So I’ve been praying for peace and unity for our country and now I’m adding grace.
#TeamGavrilides
So this might be a slightly different post. I guess we will see since I’m not sure where I am going yet.
Overall it has been a good month for me. I haven’t had therapy either in my house or in an outside facility, but at the end of last week I was standing up from 22 inches with minimal help and I had a few wonderful speech days. Matt and I continued to work on the things I was already working on. I started therapy today. There was mix of excitement to see people again and continue this journey and fear that I’ve fallen far back. Without the structure of formal therapy it’s been hard on me. I do think I’m a lot steadier when walking but my stamina is lacking. Although I’ve walked outside with Matt it wasn’t very far or often.
We like every family have had bad days. Where one or another has a bad day and they take it out on everyone else. The stress of home school add to that wrapping up the year, not being able to get out, my physical limitations...I don’t really need to spell it out. You know...
One day I had a bad morning and here's what happened. I know I’ve shared a little bit about our "marriage problems". Here’s the real reason, not to throw him under the bus so to speak but to share where my thoughts ended up. Again I would never post about our life without letting him read it.
So anyway our marriage problem. The only thing we really argue about anymore and it was an "issue" before the accident. We wake up differently and at different times. Lol Yep that is the cause of the few arguments we have now. In his defense,even before I accuse him lol, he has ALWAYS been a night person and now he pretty much runs nonstop during the day for his family. Ok, now I don’t feel as bad pointing a finger at him.
As a general rule I wake up between 6:30 and 7, Matt however would willingly sleep until 2 or later. Lol With school at home the girls get up close to 9 and do their work, the boys are teenagers so they also could sleep all day if allowed. I thought Matt and I had agreed to wake up about 9:30 every morning. Giving me enough time to drink all the water I need for the day and eat breakfast before trying to get therapy in. There have been plenty of days I struggle eating or drinking. It's a weird thing to be able to drink from a straw one day and completely forgot how the next day. But it happens to me often.
So there we were in bed, me wide awake for hours and Matt sleeping. I don't remember what time it was, but I think it was late like maybe 10:30. Lol I started to really try and get Matt up. In true Matt form he asked for 5 more minutes. Because we've been together soooooo long, lol, I know that he will ask, so I plan on not getting up for anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes depending on how grumpy I want him to be. Lol I began to really throw a fit, well as much of a fit as a paralyzed not super verbal person can be. In my frustration my anger turned to tears.
And then he pushed me to the living room where I saw this on the wall. It’s from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
(Hobby Lobby a few years ago.)
Love is patient (had I been? No)
Love is kind (had I been? Nope)
Love does not insist on it’s own way (fail)
Love believes all things (fail) bears all things (nope I didn’t want to lay in bed any longer!) Endures all things (see my last comment)
Love never fails
By the time I read to the bottom line I was again in tears. This time it was in remorse. Matt has never left me in bed or not gotten my meds and yet I couldn’t give him grace. I know and understand how much he does for me. He takes care of me all day and does what he needs to for the kids.
Because I couldn’t talk and cry I wasn’t able to tell him why I was in tears, which caused him to think I was still mad.
Thankfully Matt and I work out our arguments fairly quickly and he began to understand there was more than anger in my tears. For the rest of that day every time my eyes fell on that wall I struggled not to start crying again. How could I call myself a Christian if I couldn’t do one of these for the one person on earth that gives so much to me?
Thinking back to that morning so much of that frustration came from our past. Before the accident when I could just get up when I wanted. It is often when I’m looking backwards that I get in trouble. And I have to swallow my pride and say I’m sorry.
All this to say I completely understand how hard it can be to follow God’s Word. Walking the walk gets hard and tiresome. But baby steps. It may be telling your spouse or family member your sorry. It might be sitting and just listening with compassion to another’s fears. Maybe it’s hugging your teen as she faces a completely new and complicated world. It honestly could be anything. But do it because it’s the small steps that make the bigger steps possible. God’s greatest desire is relationship with you. Real true relationship has trust, even when we can’t see what is the end game. I have no idea what the end game is as far as what’s happening in our country. But I believe and trust God has a plan.
For me, this story I’ve shared is, live right here, right now. Don’t look back. Then is not now. Oh and walk (lol roll) with more grace, especially for Matt.
So I’ve been praying for peace and unity for our country and now I’m adding grace.
#TeamGavrilides
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