Summer boat trip...

My summers as a child were blessed by memories of fishing off a boat for our dinner. Baths in the lake once in a while. Fires with s’mores, glass bottles of pop and my cousins. Every other summer we would visit our family in Michigan and the other years visits with my family in Texas. Those summers left lifetime memories or roller skating and Klaks. (An arcade game I spent hours playing one summer) My Aunt’s house felt so fun in my memories. 

Moving to Michigan when I was a teen, I fell in love with it’s beauty, in winter first then summer. Marrying Matt meant I wasn’t leaving the state to live anywhere but Michigan. Which has been ok with me. Born in Texas I often tell Matt my DNA was not created for cold. 😉 I’ve lived in Texas, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Michigan. I’ve been here the longest and love it here and so does Matt. 

Back to my point 😁. Due to this accident we were able to fulfill a dream I’ve had on my heart for years. Unlike the "promise" made on TV, in Michigan, we did not become millionaires, but we are using the small amount smartly. One of our largest purchases has been a pontoon boat. My husband is super picky about how he spends money, so he really spent some time shopping around. Then he found the boat I wanted and would pass his long list of requirements. 😁 I say that kind of jokingly. We’ve had a number of boats over the years but I’ve always wanted a pontoon for memories. 

So we bought a boat. 😁 The first time I went out I was struck out of no where by sadness of what I was missing. Because of the accident I cannot turn my head naturally, and it takes a lot of work and doesn’t go as far as normal. So I was stuck looking straight forward because turning took too much work, between turning my neck and core I just didn’t move much. This meant I couldn’t watch my kids smile as they enjoyed the ride, or watch them fish unless it was right in front of me. Due to my most recent surgery I have no core strength left. I didn’t have much going in but had nothing now. It’s kind of a weird feeling to sit in the car limp like a rag doll. I’m not sure I could really explain how it feels to have no core muscle. Except frustrating. So I asked my recreational therapist for core work. Seems dumb because I know she will burn out those muscles, but I no longer want to feel like a rag doll.

Back to the boat. 😳 Nothing new about my ability to stay on topic. 🤣 Looking around is hard because not only the neck injury but the lack of core. So I need to find the perfect spot until I can move better. The kids broke out the fishing poles but didn’t catch anything, yet. We got two trips in before we had an issue to fix on the boat. It’s ok because it’s taken me that long to adjust some thinking that was triggered by the boat ride. I spent a few days mad in general that I feel trapped in a body that doesn’t work. Eventually I remember that I can stay mad and honestly no one would blame me for being angry but that is much harder on myself and family then to deal with each moment at a time. 

For as hard as the boat trip was sitting by the pool watching the kids swim was nice. I couldn’t get in but hearing the pool noise was like past summers and filled my heart up!  Walking onto the boat is interesting, mostly for me, walking is hard enough on solid ground. I didn’t fall either time and think it has helped with my walking. 

So, writing this out doesn’t seem has much of a big deal. I think these struggles along with some reading up on my injuries pushed me into anger and frustration. Which lead to one grumpy me. Matt and I ended up having to talk about what I read and I agreed to stay away from the internet. Traumatic brain injury (TBI) stories are different. Many people hit a plateau and give up going higher. Not everyone, but the comments and stories were not good. There is a good reason for me to leave that kind of stuff to Matt. There is one part of me that truly believes I should know about my injuries and the limitations created by them and the other side that just carries that stuff with me allowing hinderinses. So here understanding myself and my struggles I will focus on today only. My today, not someone else’s. 

My third trip out was great! I took the time it took for me to truly explain to Matt my frustration. We found a better spot for me to sit and be able to see pretty much the whole boat. I now look forward to watching the kiddos swim in the pool and fish off the back of the boat. It’s been an interesting journey and I’m still learning how to digest some moments that catch me off guard.

#TeamGavrilides